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She to her credit wasn't flirting back but still she was replying to him. When he came home I checked his phone and discovered that he had been texting this woman every single night on the way home for months, flirty little messages or messages of support and how he would be there for her to talk to if she needed him. Then he went to an Xmas night out and put on his main facebook page by accident that he wanted to take her back to his hotel room and the guys he worked with were all 'go for it'. When someone in his work approached me about the amount of time he was spending with the woman he worked with I just listened to what they were saying and dismissed it. So how do I have an open, honest, sensitive conversation with him when faced with that?
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I tried it again when I discovered the porn. I did try the lets sit down and talk to me about this approach after I discovered he was over friendly with a person he worked with. Sorry this is now a little long winded but maybe I didn't explain the situation fully enough to be judged the way I have been. You know for 11 years of my 14 year marriage I would never have dreamed of checking on my husband, Not ever, There is however a point you reach when you know that something is up and that maybe you shouldn't just be taking everything at face value. He will not talk about it at all and when I raised the matter with his mother she told me I had a problem, that I was depressed! Which I'm not, fuming mad maybe. We talk, we go out to the cinema, for a walk, and I still enjoy his company but I keep thinking of what he's doing when I'm not there and it is ruining everything else with its taint. The thing is, apart from this, everything else is fine. Have got to the point that I do not want him touching me because I feel he won't be thinking of me at all when we are together. He knew I'd found out so now the history is switched off! Naturally I checked the history and he is now You Tubing for ANYTHING which might get him a little bit of gay porn. I thought the matter was dead until we recently came back from a holiday where he had no internet access and I caught him coming out of the bathroom less than an hour after we got back with his phone. He stopped accessing the pages for a while after this but soon he was back trawling the internet for gay porn on his phone until he looked at the wrong site and ended up with charges that luckily didn't amount to much but scared his off these sites for good.
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When I discovered this I did something rather child like and posted 'likes' from all the sites he had visited to his facebook page. I found out and basically locked the computer down so that now no one can access porn from it. He would go online almost as soon as I was out the door. My husband was watching gay porn on the computer when I was at work. The woman he was over friendly with has been moved office to another city recently so at least I don't have to worry about that anymore! I raised a post last year but things have progressed from there so need some advice.